FLASH
Exposing the seamy underside of D/FW nightlife
Welcome to Flash country, where the booze and the bullshit flow freely. Once again we
stare unflinchingly into the spotlight that is Dallas social life and pray we don't go
blind. And don't worry, no names. But if the shoe fits, put it on quick before someone
kicks you in the ass with it.
If You Don't Get Help At Charter
You may have noticed that people in Dallas drink a lot. I probably would have noticed
earlier except I'm one of those people who drink a lot. Of course when I do it, it's
called research.
Nowhere is this propensity to partake more evident than at Dallas sporting events. Not
that drinking and sports don't go hand and hand in other cities. After all, if you're
throwing batteries in Philly, sobriety probably wasn't a big part of the entrance exam.
And have you seen the fans in New York? I'm not saying they're unattractive people, but if
there's nothing left in that bottle of Absolut, can I at least use it to hit myself over
the head?
Yep, drinking and sports is a match made in heaven. But on Planet Dallas, things just tend
to get turned up a notch. Enough is never enough in Dallas. We want more than enough. You
need proof? Let's see… the Pavilion at the Byron, the Corral at Cowboys games, the
Stars Club (Flash's personal favorite), the Mavs Club, kegs at Little League games…
Oh I'm sorry, the judge said in my plea bargain I couldn't discuss that publicly.
But don't confuse Dallas fans eagerness to sacrifice their livers for their team with
being good sports fans. After all, if they were true fans, they'd be cheering in their
seats, not drinking themselves into a coma at the Corral, the Stars Club, etc. The sad
truth is that these "sports bars" are more popular than the actual event. People
go to the game not to see the sport, but for the sport of being seen.
Why? Because Dallas isn't a sports town, it's a social town. What do I mean by this, you
ask? Let's do a compare and contrast (you remember Freshman English) between Dallas and
its favorite whipping boy, Buffalo.
In Buffalo, attendance at hockey games went up when they started winning. In Dallas,
attendance went up when they started showing hotties on the jumbotron. Of course, Buffalo
tried the jumbotron thing (much cheaper than actually signing good players), but if you
think the fans in New York City are bad, try upstate New York. And pass the bottle of
Absolut.
In Buffalo, they're excited to go to the Super Bowl or the Stanley Cup Finals to get their
ass kicked. In Dallas, it's almost an inconvenience the second time around. People are too
cool, too busy, too bored with the whole thing to get too excited about ANOTHER Super Bowl
or ANOTHER Stanley Cup. After all, been there, done that.
At least that's how they act until Dallas doesn't win. Then they stop going to games and
start calling the Ticket.
I used to think I had never seen anything faster than a Dallas fan jumping on the
bandwagon, but I was wrong. Dallas fans are even faster at getting bored with the ride and
jumping off the wagon, preferably to have a cocktail at the Stars Club.
Out and About
Seen at Flash's 4th Annual Safari Party and then at Liquid Saturday May 6th: Owen Wilson
(actor in Bottle Rocket, Armageddon, The Haunting, the upcoming Shanghai Noon and others).
If you haven't seen Bottle Rocket, rent it. Owen Wilson as Dignan is one of the funniest
characters in movie history.
Seen at Milk Bar Saturday May 13th: Jamie Foxx. Very cool and very funny. And very rare
when a celeb comes up and talks to you. Maybe he's read the column. Or maybe I was just at
the bar when he came to get a drink. It must be the column. Anyhow, my only regret, no
pic. Where were the Us Exposed.com cameras when I needed them?
Seen at Milk Bar Friday May 19th: Charlie Steiner, the ESPN sportscaster. And no, to the
drunk sports-impaired idiot I bummed a cig from for Charlie, he's not Peter Gammons!
P.S.
As always, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect the views of anyone else on
the planet, much less Us Exposed.
-Flash -
- Email Flash at: flash@usexposed.com
