FLASH
Exposing
the seamy underside of New York nightlife
Welcome
to the first episode of Flash in the City, recording
the adventures of our hero Flash as he rocks, rolls, and writes in
Manhattan. We’ll be
making special guest appearances as occasions warrant.
Taking
a Bite of the Big Apple
Dallas is a fun city, a city
that’s not afraid to party. A
city that’s not afraid to throw back a few and then a few more.
Of course, that’s because there’s nothing else to do but go
to bars, get drunk enough to forget where you are, and then do it all
over again, naturally at the exact same place you did it the night
before.
New York is also a fun city, a
city that parties to four o’clock in the morning every day of the
week. Where after hours
clubs are open 24 hours a day. Where
you could go to a different hot bar every night of the week and not
repeat until 2005. And this is despite the fact that there are a million other
things to do besides go to bars.
Things such as museums, plays,
shows, beaches, more museums, restaurants, world-famous monuments,
world-famous churches, more plays, world class shopping, musicals,
famous buildings, Central Park, etc., etc.…
All that can be enjoyed without a drink in hand.
Of course, being the drunk I am,
I’ve been plenty of places with a drink in my hand.
So after two months in the Big Apple, here are some initial
observations on the drinking life in the City.
1)
Getting In: If you think getting into
Go is tough late on a Saturday night (I’m assuming Go is still hot,
though since I’ve been gone two months, it’s probably already closed
and opened as something else), well, the velvet rope in Manhattan will
hang you.
I’ve seen doormen just tell
people no. People make it
through the line to the front and the doorman just looks them over and
then waves them off. And
not, “no, you’ll have to wait”, but “no I’m not going to let
you in so leave.” And not
because they weren’t dressed right, but because they weren’t good
looking enough or cool enough. And
not just guys, girls as well. Thank
God I have a hot girlfriend to get us in everywhere. I’d hate to be a single guy trying to get in without the
right connections.
2)
Getting a drink: You
said how much?
I knew it was expensive, but it still doesn’t prepare you
when you order two drinks and the bartender says $20.
At least the bartenders are frequently hot chiquitas. It makes the pain a little more bearable.
3)
The crowd: Attractive, fashionable, and despite New York’s reputation,
friendly. And much more
diverse. The first thing
you notice, coming from Planet Dallas, is the shortage of fake blondes
and fake tits. Well,
actually it’s more of a welcome change than a shortage.
Not that it’s all good.
You still have your Velveeta bars, stuffed with Wall Street
stiffs in khakis trying to impress wannabe models.
And even a good place can be overrun by the B&T crowd (bridge
and tunnel, kind of like 972.)
4)
The celebrities: It was always exciting to go out on Planet
Dallas because you never knew what stripper you were going to run into
wearing some ridiculous outfit. Well,
it’s even more exciting in New York because you never know what
celebrity you’re going to run into.
Sometimes wearing ridiculous outfits.
In the two months we’ve been
here, we’ve run into Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, Adam Yauch (a Beastie
Boy), Matthew Broderick, Wesley Snipes (wearing a ridiculous white
suit), and Macauley Culkin (hey, I didn’t say they were all big
stars.)
Of course, it was tough to spot
Macauley Culkin since he’s all of five foot nothing.
It must suck to finally be old enough to go to bars but not tall
enough to go on the rollercoaster.
And when he first came in his
wife came up to us and asked us not to make a big deal over him since he
liked to be low-key. I
didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s about five years past
anyone making a big deal over Macauley Culkin.
But she was nice.
She brought him over and introduced us.
He stuck out his hand and said “Hi, I’m Mac.” Mac? When
you’re five foot nothing I don’t think you’re allowed to call
yourself Mac. McDonald’s
Happy Meal maybe.
5)
Getting home: Perhaps the best thing about New York;
never having to drive home drunk. I’m
always a $5 to $10 cab ride from home.
And if you’re drunk enough, you don’t even notice how much
the cabbie smells.
P.S.
I recorded my adventures out this
last Tuesday and Wednesday. Check
the new New York page for the pix.
-
Flash -
flash@usexposed.com
