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FLASH

 Exposing the seamy underside of New York nightlife

Welcome to the first episode of Flash in the City, recording the adventures of our hero Flash as he rocks, rolls, and writes in Manhattan.  Weíll be making special guest appearances as occasions warrant.

Taking a Bite of the Big Apple

Dallas is a fun city, a city thatís not afraid to party.  A city thatís not afraid to throw back a few and then a few more.  Of course, thatís because thereís nothing else to do but go to bars, get drunk enough to forget where you are, and then do it all over again, naturally at the exact same place you did it the night before.

New York is also a fun city, a city that parties to four oíclock in the morning every day of the week.  Where after hours clubs are open 24 hours a day.  Where you could go to a different hot bar every night of the week and not repeat until 2005.  And this is despite the fact that there are a million other things to do besides go to bars.

Things such as museums, plays, shows, beaches, more museums, restaurants, world-famous monuments, world-famous churches, more plays, world class shopping, musicals, famous buildings, Central Park, etc., etc.Ö  All that can be enjoyed without a drink in hand.

Of course, being the drunk I am, Iíve been plenty of places with a drink in my hand.  So after two months in the Big Apple, here are some initial observations on the drinking life in the City.

1) Getting In: If you think getting into Go is tough late on a Saturday night (Iím assuming Go is still hot, though since Iíve been gone two months, itís probably already closed and opened as something else), well, the velvet rope in Manhattan will hang you. 

Iíve seen doormen just tell people no.  People make it through the line to the front and the doorman just looks them over and then waves them off.  And not, ďno, youíll have to waitĒ, but ďno Iím not going to let you in so leave.Ē  And not because they werenít dressed right, but because they werenít good looking enough or cool enough.  And not just guys, girls as well.  Thank God I have a hot girlfriend to get us in everywhere.  Iíd hate to be a single guy trying to get in without the right connections.

2) Getting a drink: You said how much?  I knew it was expensive, but it still doesnít prepare you when you order two drinks and the bartender says $20.  At least the bartenders are frequently hot chiquitas.  It makes the pain a little more bearable.

3) The crowd: Attractive, fashionable, and despite New Yorkís reputation, friendly.  And much more diverse.  The first thing you notice, coming from Planet Dallas, is the shortage of fake blondes and fake tits.  Well, actually itís more of a welcome change than a shortage. 

Not that itís all good.  You still have your Velveeta bars, stuffed with Wall Street stiffs in khakis trying to impress wannabe models.  And even a good place can be overrun by the B&T crowd (bridge and tunnel, kind of like 972.)

4) The celebrities: It was always exciting to go out on Planet Dallas because you never knew what stripper you were going to run into wearing some ridiculous outfit.  Well, itís even more exciting in New York because you never know what celebrity youíre going to run into.  Sometimes wearing ridiculous outfits.

In the two months weíve been here, weíve run into Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, Adam Yauch (a Beastie Boy), Matthew Broderick, Wesley Snipes (wearing a ridiculous white suit), and Macauley Culkin (hey, I didnít say they were all big stars.)

Of course, it was tough to spot Macauley Culkin since heís all of five foot nothing.  It must suck to finally be old enough to go to bars but not tall enough to go on the rollercoaster.

And when he first came in his wife came up to us and asked us not to make a big deal over him since he liked to be low-key.  I didnít have the heart to tell her that itís about five years past anyone making a big deal over Macauley Culkin.

But she was nice.  She brought him over and introduced us.  He stuck out his hand and said ďHi, Iím Mac.Ē  Mac?  When youíre five foot nothing I donít think youíre allowed to call yourself Mac.  McDonaldís Happy Meal maybe.

5) Getting home: Perhaps the best thing about New York; never having to drive home drunk.  Iím always a $5 to $10 cab ride from home.  And if youíre drunk enough, you donít even notice how much the cabbie smells. 

P.S.

I recorded my adventures out this last Tuesday and Wednesday.  Check the new New York page for the pix.

- Flash -

flash@usexposed.com

 

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