Exposing the seamy underside of Dallas nightlife
Cost of new Compaq desktop computer:
$2,100. Cost of
America Online membership: $19.95
per month. Cost of new Canon
digital camera: $499.
Cost of the five Jose Cuervo shots you had last Saturday night:
$25. Seeing your
drunken ass on the pages of UsExposed.com?
Planet Dallas is a cheap place to live.
Apartments that would rent for thousands of dollars in New York, LA
or San Francisco go for $900 here. State
income tax that takes 10% of your income in other cities doesnít exist
here. Drinks that would cost
you $8 in New York or Miami cost $5 here (unless youíre at the Menís
But no matter how inexpensive Planet D is in
comparison to real cities, it still takes bank to be a man about town.
Things are cheap, but they add up.
On a typical night, a Velveeta King will spend:
Six pack of Bud Light while getting ready:
Cover charge at the Menís Club:
Four more Bud Lights:
Two table dances:
A glass of wine for the dancer (because sheís trying to be
Valet charge at the Menís Club:
Six pack of Bud Light for the road trip to Greenville: $4
Valet charge at Milk Bar:
Red Bull and vodka (because youíre sick of beer):
Buying your chemical of choice from your friendly neighborhood
A Red Bull and vodka across the street at Zubar:
Bribe the doorman to get past the line at Go:
Two more Red Bull and vodkas:
A Purple Hooter shot for a girl:
Another Red Bull and vodka:
16) Another Purple Hooter shot for another girl:
Bribe the valet guy at Milk Bar to bring your car first: $10
Parking at Seven:
Bribe the doorman to get past the line at Seven:
Cover charge at Seven:
Buying more of your chemical of choice from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist:$25
22) Another Red Bull, no vodka:
All this totals $232 for a typical night.
Of course, the resourceful Velveeta King will save some money by
using his connections to bypass lines and cover charges.
(Letting the doorman sample from your chemistry set at your last
party really pays off.) But
this also doesnít include the $10 for the Viagra sample you got from
your friendly Pfizer pharmaceutical rep in case better living through
chemistry leaves you biologically dead south of the border.
Nor does it include the $5 for the Xanax you need to go to sleep
after all this.
And this is just one night. Considering that any self-respecting Velveeta King is out 5
times a week (Thursday through Sunday, plus at least one day Monday
through Wednesday), the weekly tab totals $1,160, or $4,640 a month, or
$60,320 a year.
What do all these guys do that they get paid
enough to have a $60,000 entertainment budget without obviously ever
really working? It canít be
their job to just go out and party. Only
the Us Exposed guys can get away with that.
And they canít all be friendly neighborhood pharmacists, can
they? After all, if they
were, then thereíd be no one to sell to.
Oh thatís right, thereíd still be the strippers.
Speaking of, chiquitas never really have to worry
about money. They just dip
into their seemingly never-ending supply of dollar bills and twenties.
In fact, twenties on Planet Dallas just go in circles.
From Velveeta King to Animal Print Wearing Stripper to Friendly
Neighborhood Pharmacist. Round
and round it goes, and where it stops, nobody knows.
And even for the few chiquitas that donít dance,
moneyís still no problem. After
all, they never have to pay for anything anyhow.
Thereís always some drunk, horny Velveeta King ready to buy them
drinks, or dinner, or even new breasts.
And if thereís ever not someone to pay for them, then they just
take those new breasts down to the Menís Club.
The financial projections
included herein have not been audited.
Us Exposed makes no representations or warranties as to
their accuracy. They also may not agree with the opinions included herein either.