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Exposing the seamy underside of Dallas nightlife

Are you feeling lonely?  Have you been hurt by a loved one?  Does Planet Dallas got you down?  If so, send that cry for help to Flash at flash@usexposed.com.  Remember, Iím here to help.

 Dear Crabby

Over the months Iíve been writing this column, Iíve received countless e-mails asking for advice on numerous subjects.  Each letter received a thoughtful, painstakingly-crafted response utilizing my many years of professional experience.  Or they got whatever my hungover brain could come up within thirty seconds.

Regardless, Iíve compiled several of the e-mails on the most common topics below.  Hopefully, these can be of help to someone out there too afraid to write themselves.

 Dear Flash: 

My boyfriend wants me to get a boob job.  I want to make him happy, but I donít know if I should do it or not.  What do you think?

 - Flat in Fort Worth -

 Dear Flat:

The first thing you need to ask yourself is, do you have a big ass?  If you do, you probably need the enhancement to balance it out.  After all, itís much easier than working out or eating healthy.  But assuming you donít have a fat ass, you should do what you want to do, not what you think will make him happy.  After all, heís just as likely to dump you for a stripper whether you get the enlargement or not.  But, considering youíre insecure enough to write me about it, Iím sure Iíll see you soon with two new friends and wearing tight sweaters.


 Dear Flash:

Every time I meet someone I like, it always seems like theyíve been with one of my friends or they know one of my exes.  Is there any way to find someone who hasnít been with someone I know?

 - Lonely in Lewisville -

 Dear Lonely:

Move.  Thereís more incest on Planet Dallas than in all of Arkansas.   So get used to sloppy seconds, psycho exes stalking your new love, and friends hitting on your exes.  Or you can move to somewhere with a bigger social scene.  Like Little Rock.


 Dear Flash:

My boyfriend always hangs out at topless bars.  It didnít used to bother me, but now it seems like itís all the time.  What should I do?

 - Hurt in Highland Park -

 Dear Hurt:

Ask him to stop visiting you at work.  Or if youíre one of the five girls on Planet Dallas who doesnít dance, tell him it bothers you.  It wonít stop him from going, but at least heíll start lying about it so you no longer know heís going.  Then it wonít bother you.  After all, ignorance is bliss (or merely ignorant.)  And if he doesnít come home one night after being out with the boys, Iím sure he just crashed on his friendís couch.


 Dear Flash:

My girlfriend still talks to and occasionally sees her ex.  She says theyíre just friends, but Iím beginning to wonder.  Am I just being paranoid?

 - Anxious in Addison -

 Dear Anxious:

Itís not paranoia if sheís really stepping out on you.  So unless it ended because he came out of the closet, wake up and smell the infidelity.  Or at least the co-dependency.  Either way itís not good.  Of course it does give you an excuse for that drunken late night hookup with your ex.  And the 2 months of calls and stalking that go along with it.


The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of Us Exposed, and definitely do not reflect any kind of professional psychiatric or psychological training.  In fact, they probably reflect some kind of dark, deep-seated psychological or psychiatric problem.

- Flash -




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