Exposing the seamy underside of Dallas nightlife
Are you feeling lonely?
Have you been hurt by a loved one?
Does Planet Dallas got you down?
If so, send that cry for help to Flash at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Remember, Iím here to help.
Over the months Iíve been
writing this column, Iíve received countless e-mails asking for advice
on numerous subjects. Each
letter received a thoughtful, painstakingly-crafted response utilizing
my many years of professional experience.
Or they got whatever my hungover brain could come up within
Regardless, Iíve compiled
several of the e-mails on the most common topics below.
Hopefully, these can be of help to someone out there too afraid
to write themselves.
My boyfriend wants me to get a
boob job. I want to make
him happy, but I donít know if I should do it or not.
What do you think?
Flat in Fort Worth -
The first thing you need to ask
yourself is, do you have a big ass?
If you do, you probably need the enhancement to balance it out.
After all, itís much easier than working out or eating healthy.
But assuming you donít have a fat ass, you should do what you
want to do, not what you think will make him happy.
After all, heís just as likely to dump you for a stripper
whether you get the enlargement or not.
But, considering youíre insecure enough to write me about it,
Iím sure Iíll see you soon with two new friends and wearing tight
Every time I meet someone I like,
it always seems like theyíve been with one of my friends or they know
one of my exes. Is there
any way to find someone who hasnít been with someone I know?
Lonely in Lewisville -
Thereís more incest on Planet Dallas than in all of Arkansas. So get used to sloppy seconds, psycho exes stalking
your new love, and friends hitting on your exes.
Or you can move to somewhere with a bigger social scene.
Like Little Rock.
My boyfriend always hangs out at
topless bars. It didnít
used to bother me, but now it seems like itís all the time.
What should I do?
Hurt in Highland Park -
Ask him to stop visiting you at
work. Or if youíre one of
the five girls on Planet Dallas who doesnít dance, tell him it bothers
you. It wonít stop him from going, but at least heíll start
lying about it so you no longer know heís going.
Then it wonít bother you.
After all, ignorance is bliss (or merely ignorant.)
And if he doesnít come home one night after being out with the
boys, Iím sure he just crashed on his friendís couch.
My girlfriend still talks to and
occasionally sees her ex. She
says theyíre just friends, but Iím beginning to wonder.
Am I just being paranoid?
Anxious in Addison -
Itís not paranoia if sheís
really stepping out on you. So
unless it ended because he came out of the closet, wake up and smell the
infidelity. Or at least the co-dependency.
Either way itís not good.
Of course it does give you an excuse for that drunken late night
hookup with your ex. And
the 2 months of calls and stalking that go along with it.
The views expressed do not
necessarily reflect the views of Us Exposed, and definitely do
not reflect any kind of professional psychiatric or psychological
training. In fact, they
probably reflect some kind of dark, deep-seated psychological or